Avatar, Shamatar!

When I was a kid, 3-D was back! Not since it's golden age in the 1950's had 3-D films been hotter. Hollywood spared no expense rolling out the technology on their biggest and best films. Audiences of the 1980's were treated to a string of head scratchingly odd and cheesy films with 3-D shoehorned into them. Every movie went out of there way to have someone playing with a yo-yo, or dramatically handing something to someone else, or just shit flying towards the screen. Most of the 3-D movies of the eighties were genre films and big summer releases. The trend even spilled over to T.V., where some affiliates would have special 3-D promotions. You could go to a local supermarket or convenience store to pick up your snazzy glasses. Some of the 3-D epics that I was a fan of were: Jaws 3-D, Friday the 13th 3-D (seems to be a trend), Spacehunter:Adventures in the Forbidden Zone, Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared Syn and Treasure of the Four Crowns. All of these films, were cheesy good and kind of low budget. Jaws 3-D might be the most ridiculous entry in the series, although it's a tough call between it and Jaws 4: The Revenge. Jaws 3-D has the "Quaid Factor" working for it, so that bumps it up in my eyes. Friday the 13th 3-D is so filled with 3-D gimmicks it can be hard to watch. It's notable because it's the first appearance of Jason's iconic hockey mask. Spacehunter and Metalstorm are similar in there settings, a dangerous, dirty future. Spacehunter has a number of Master of the Mediocre favorites, namely Michael Ironside as the bad guy, the robotic Overdog. This is a cool, cheesy flick. Metalstorm is hard to describe, but basically a future lawman hunts down a mysterious cult leader type. It's basically a space western, I'm sure Joss Whedon ripped this off for Firefly. You can catch Richard Moll, from Night Court, as a big mutant guy. Lastly is a movie I know no one has seen except for me, because anyone I ever ask about it has no idea what I'm talking about. Basically a rip off of Raiders of the Lost Ark, Treasure of the Four Crowns is about a group of thieves led by J.T. Striker (greatest name ever?) attempting to steal treasures from a religious cult. Again, 3-D gimmicks abound. I was able to see this on cable and had vague memories of it for years. I could never remember it's title, but thanks to You Tube!, I was able to find it again. good luck finding it anywhere else. So what does it all mean? Is 3-D better now or then? Well, at least the glasses are better today. I'm not a fan of 3-D. I don't need shit coming at face to enjoy a movie. I don't have to be "involved" to enjoy the experience. The only 3-D movie coming out that I'm remotely interested in is Jackass 3-D, because dumb guys hurting themselves in 3-D should be hilarious. 3-D is a fun gimmick, but it's a gimmick. I know James Cameron is hot for it and wants to make it the norm, but remember, he started his career with Roger Corman, so he's got plenty of carny in him. Don't fall for the hype.

Watch out for Baal, he'll spray his goo in your face!

J.T. Striker in Action, 3-Dimensions of Action!

Jason's in your face!